What is the biggest dick move you ever pulled in your car?

"thebigbossyboss" (thebigbossyboss) 10/30/2013 at 19:55 • Filed to: I am an idiot.

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Confession time: I pride myself on my driving ability, but it doesn't mean I haven't on occasion been a horrible dick driver.

I remember the biggest dick move I ever pulled, and God, was it horrible.

I remember it all so clearly, it was sunny, and I was driving down a parkway. I was in my lowered cavalier, and came to the stop sign. Ahead me was a volvo wagon with dark tint, whom also stopped. And then refused to go. There were no other cars. He was taking for frickin ever.

I had had enough, so I blasted the horn, with one huge long blast. Only after finishing my huge blast, did the man with the white cane whom was in front of the volvo become visible.

Realizing the horror in what I had done, there was nothgin I could do. I was visible to all as the impatient asshole whom honked a blind man.

Good one. I honked at a blind person, cause I am an either an asshole, or an idiot or some type of combination. That is the worst move I have ever pulled on the road. WHat about you oppo?

Nibby > thebigbossyboss 10/30/2013 at 19:59

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If I'm driving in NYC I sometimes force my way into lanes and cut off people, but only when people are moving too slow or if there's a stopped taxi in front, etc.

Bandit > thebigbossyboss 10/30/2013 at 20:00

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I never really been a dick to another driver, I just get really really angry when other drivers are being morons. I do love to curse loudly at stupid drivers (not so they can hear me of course). Driving in traffic is an intense thing for me.

FireSpittingV12 > thebigbossyboss 10/30/2013 at 20:00

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I get annoyed at people on their phone texting. When they sit at a green light I honk my horn until they move.

TurboSloth > thebigbossyboss 10/30/2013 at 20:01

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I am that asshole who passes people who are going too slow in the left lane. I am that asshole who drives fast. I am that asshole who sees the exit lane's 25mph speed limit, and enters that lane at 80. I am that guy.

I do want to say that I do make sure safety is a priority. I will always use my mirrors, give way to the person who is right of way, and uses my signals.

Dwhite - Powered by Caffeine, Daft Punk, and Corgis > thebigbossyboss 10/30/2013 at 20:02

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I'm 16 years old in my Mom's brand new Explorer, this is before I got the Pontiac. The internet is out at home so my sister and I go to Starbucks to use their wifi. When I got there I realized the battery was dead and I didnt have a charger. So I get back into the car and I was pretty pissed. So while going down the 8-lane divided highway I decided to just floor it, I got the beast up to 115 mph. Also, it was just 7:30 at night. Not sure if it counts as asshole, but probably the worst decision I've made in a car. Also scared the shit out of my little sister.

FireSpittingV12 > TurboSloth 10/30/2013 at 20:03

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LOL I do that too with exit ramps....it says 30, Ill go through it at 70. Safety is definitely a priority.

BlazinAce - Doctor of Internal Combustion > Nibby 10/30/2013 at 20:05

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Same here, except for the NYC part. Rush hour traffic here in Porto Alegre is hell on the major streets, and all my commutes go through these godamned streets. Hell, my home is in one of them. If I need to take a corner somewhere and people on the other lanes aren't letting up even though they're not planning on taking said corners, you can bet I'll be using my bumpers to force in.

On the other hand, when I spot someone else in the same situation, that is trying to merge into my lane to take an incoming corner or exit, I always, always, let them in.

Casper > thebigbossyboss 10/30/2013 at 20:09

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Mine would probably be smoking out a little kids birthday party in a backyard with my burn out... on purpose. It's a very long story, but needless to say, they deserved it and they knew it. They didn't even protest and stopped being dicks afterwards.

Luke's Dad Sold His 2000TL To Get a Sienna > thebigbossyboss 10/30/2013 at 20:09

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The biggest dick move that I pick is usually passing the person in front of me when they are too slow and then I floor it past them and they're old people and I get reassured I'm going to hell.

Casper > TurboSloth 10/30/2013 at 20:10

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That's not a bad thing, it's balancing the universe for all the stupid and slow people. Everything must be in balance ;)

50ford500 > Casper 10/30/2013 at 20:13

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Any story where a good burnout solves a problem is a story worth telling....,

LeadfootYT > thebigbossyboss 10/30/2013 at 20:13

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Mine would probably be the tendency to blast drivers who pass me illegally or unnecessarily with high beams plus the two auxiliary Hella driving lights mounted on the grille. It does tend to be effective, though...

Dwhite - Powered by Caffeine, Daft Punk, and Corgis > Casper 10/30/2013 at 20:15

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Long story?

I got time.

DocWalt > thebigbossyboss 10/30/2013 at 20:15

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My biggest dick move is most likely literally forcing some douche to back off or run into my shitbox when he tried to merge in front of me after I already let a car in. I drove on my line and I was about two inches away from the side of his truck. He ended up dropping behind me then floored it up the shoulder until he couldn't go anywhere and he ended up behind me again. Moron...

I do remember scaring the crap out of a friend by cutting someone off in Philly traffic. I squeezed between two cars that were closing on each other and that was enough for him to declare he wasn't riding with me again.

Another time, I scared a sleeping friend... The friend from the above story prodded me and made a statement about he could hit an amazing 100mph in his Cadillac turd. I pushed it to 120 to prove a point and that just happened to be when my friend in the back seat woke up. He asked if we were hitting warp speed.

Casper > Casper 10/30/2013 at 20:28

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Since people asked, here's the story.

The problem started when they bought midlife crisis Harleys. They kept running them with basically no exhaust back and fourth in front of my house at all hours at full throttle. They lived about 2 houses down on the corner and would idle in the driveway to warm up (which was so loud it would make the neighbor's car alarm chirp). They would then hop on and full throttle all the way down the street (in a 25 MPH zone) only to turn around and ride back. They would do this several times before taking off. They would also deliberately ride past and rev as hard as they could if they saw me working in my garage on my bikes.

The day in question, they had company over and were going back and fourth past my house while I was working on my bike in the driveway getting ready for a ride to Vegas. I let it slide the first few times because they were showing the bike off to friends, but then they started doing it without anyone watching. I walked out to ask them what they were doing, not only did the guy not take a hint, he started trash talking my bike, then tore off and almost wrecked into the neighbor's car that was parked on the street. I walked down to his house and told him he really needed to keep it in check, to which he said I couldn't complaint about "anything that happens in the road because it's public". I promptly walked back to my house, got my S2000 and started it warming up and he went into the backyard with his company. Once the car was warm, I drove up to the side of his fence which was next to the street and on the side of his backyard. I proceeded to do a brake stand until I was sure my tires were melting and I could no longer see out of the car, then calmly drove back to my garage and parked the car. As I pulled into my driveway I looked back and saw people streaming out of the back yard. They were running through bushes, falling over crap in his lawn, and smoke had filled most of his house as well. I put my car away, grabbed a lawn chair, plopped it down in the middle of the drive way, and sat there and waited for him. After what felt like an eternity he walked down with his wife and apologized.

We haven't had a problem since.

Casper > Dwhite - Powered by Caffeine, Daft Punk, and Corgis 10/30/2013 at 20:28

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I posted it in response to my original (since times up for editing). Have a day.

zyodei > thebigbossyboss 10/30/2013 at 20:32

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Teenager, drunk, friend takes my key from me, I pitch a fit because I want to drive.

We get on the freeway, I express my displeasure by climbing out on the hood of the car.

Somehow this pisses off some gang bangers who proceed to chase us for awhile.

Does that count?

RustySpanner > thebigbossyboss 10/30/2013 at 20:32

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I gunned it through a turning lane at an intersection without slowing down, doing about 80 km/h (50mph). Thought it was clear but then a car came out of nowhere, must have made an illegal U-Turn. I hit the brakes and screeched to a halt, it was so close I was convinced I had hit the car other car until I'd gone over it a few times and didn't see any damage. The other guy was somehow oblivious, he pulled over and just walked to whatever building he was driving to. Now I always slow down and look even if I know an intersection should technically be clear.

Tom McParland > FireSpittingV12 10/30/2013 at 20:45

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That is really not that bad, especially if they are on the phone.

EL_ULY > thebigbossyboss 10/30/2013 at 20:46

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Some younger little doucher (white boy in a yellow A4 convertible, top down windows up, aftermarket 6000k hid's on in broad daylight, basketball hat with tags flat and backwards, black wife beater, aviator shades, listening to slowed and throwed swishahouse "Houston hip hop") was texting while the light was green. I was in my Silverado with a bunch of commercial A/C gear in the bed. He flips me the bird and took off spinning the front tires. Deep in downtown traffic, we meet again only I was in front. The light turns green in which he instantly honked his horn and said in a "hood" accent, "nigga the light is green hoe". At the next red light currently on loose gravel because of contruction, this little poser kid gets right on my rear bumper. The light turns green... he honks again... I couldn't help myself and did a 4 wheel burnout completely covering his yellow A4 convertible in a shower of rocks and dust. I felt good at first then after a while a bit disappointed for my equally immature actions.

wagnerrp > thebigbossyboss 10/30/2013 at 20:47

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I hate it when people can't stay in their lane. I hate it when people use the shoulder on ramps as anything other than emergency roadway. There's a right hand ramp from I-71 southbound to I-75 northbound with a 12' wide right shoulder. I'm the dick who passes people in their own lane when they cut that turn so short, their entire car is on the shoulder. I got chased eight miles up the highway for doing that to some douche in a SUV.

Todzzgod > thebigbossyboss 10/30/2013 at 20:49

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I was driving the proverbial short bus. Seriously i was driving special needs children 5 to 11 yrs old in early spring in WI a few years back while going to college to get a Social Work degree. The snow was melting but blocking the sewers at the same time (love WI) and there was at least a foot of water that tapered even deeper towards the curb. I saw a 20 something (a generation I am not overly fond of) walking down the sidewalk coming towards the bus and said to a student in the front seat "hold my beer" (just kidding) "watch this" is what I really said! He took my cue and yelled to the rest of the bus to watch what the driver (they all knew my real name but preferred to call me bus driver) was going to do now just as I turned towards the kid on the sidewalk and gave it some gas, getting up to full wave speed which created a wall of water 8 feet high, that cascaded perfectly across his path completely drenching him. You couldnt have gotten him much wetter if you would have thrown him in the lake. The kids went crazy and begged me to go around the block and do it again. lol Yes it was a complete dick move on my part (read this part again) and my only excuse is (besides it was a beautiful thing to watch) try putting 20 normal plus kids in a small school bus and getting them to school every day. Because then and only them could you start to comprehend what the same situation is like with cognitively and developmentally challenged 5 to 8 year olds mixed with 5 to 11 year old children with behavioral problems. The first challenge is to get them on your side and this may be out of the box thinking but it works.

KayGB > thebigbossyboss 10/30/2013 at 20:51

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Tagged the brakes good when I was being goodnaturedly followed too close by acquaintances from a competing business. The driver's girlfriend's face bounced off the dash of their car .....hard. When I let them by, she looked like she'd been punched by Ali, blood everywhere. I always wondered if they'd been drinking, just because she wasn't ready for the painfully obvious.

Just wear your damn mask... > thebigbossyboss 10/30/2013 at 21:01

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I think it would be a tie between sending some guy for a slide through the center median on the highway and the on a curve, no passing zone six car and a state snow plow overtake I did one time because 1) I had really good snow tires 2) I had a long day and just wanted to get home and 3) was sick of sitting seventh in line behind a slow state plow truck that NO ONE would pass.

POD > thebigbossyboss 10/30/2013 at 21:11

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Story time:

I was pulling up to a double left turn light, the light had just turned from yellow to red so I chose the outermost left turn lane as I knew I would be taking the on-ramp on the right just after. Several other cars followed my most excellent example except for one. This one was a new Mustang. I'm certain it was a V8 GT model because the driver, sporting many decorative tattoos, a beard, pair of sunglasses, and a few piercings, was gracious enough to have a modified hood that included all the details of his ride on the scoop. I could also tell by the way he pulled up (and passed the stop line while rabbling his 'Stangs exhaust) that he wanted in front.

So while sitting at the light I did some quick maths:
Mustange GT V8, 4.9L, 412 bph, 3400 pounds. Power to weight of about 8.252:1
Mazdaspeed3 (lightly modified), 2.3L, 302 bph, 3200 pounds. Power to weight of 10.596:1

Not the maths I wanted, but then I remember, I get most of that power much lower in the rev range. Plus it get torque, beautiful glorious torque, even lower still. So I think, ehh, why not?

Light turns, I go, he goes, a near apocalyptic cacophony of automotive Armageddon ensues. The V8 rumble of angry, seething, American engineering takes off. I can see the beard swaying as he gives her the go juice. The rumble of the Mustang is met by the the delicate, yet precision engineered, staccato of compressed air being purged as my 1-2 gear change vaults me in front. Mr. Beard falls neatly in line behind me as we enter the on-ramp. Not feeling that it was good enough, I spur the Ol' Mazda Miyagi with all my right foot can give her. As we enter the on-ramp my 2-3 and 3-4 gear change result in not only additional musical brilliance, but more roadway between us. Yes my good fellows, the small turbo that could beat the big bad V8 meanie. The turbo fandom can rejoice in knowing the the banner was upheld this day.

Then I merged in between a couple of minivans and he flat FLEW past me, but that's not important, he makes power up top and that's just NOT how I roll.

wagnerrp > TurboSloth 10/30/2013 at 21:13

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I don't think I've ever seen an exit ramp with a speed limit. All I ever see are the yellow suggestions.

FireSpittingV12 > Tom McParland 10/30/2013 at 21:15

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Perfect example of this was just yesterday. Somebody in an Infiniti JX sat a green light even after everyone started honking. Nothing was in front of the JX.

wagnerrp > KayGB 10/30/2013 at 21:17

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No seat belt?

Wrongtoothbrush > Casper 10/30/2013 at 21:32

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Dick move? No. I'd say that's every kind of awesome I know of!

Casper > Wrongtoothbrush 10/30/2013 at 21:35

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Well, it was pretty dickish to the other 30 people... I felt bad about it, but also justified.

Dsscats > thebigbossyboss 10/30/2013 at 21:36

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There was an asshole who went around me over the double yellow at a stop sign, and I'm not exactly what you would call a slow driver. I caught up to him and passed him on a two-lane each way road. I then proceeded to go at the exact speed of the car next to me and held him behind for about 2 miles. That speed was 35. I laughed as he honked and flashed his lights.

No Prius Needed > Casper 10/30/2013 at 21:49

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Did you deafen them as well?

Casper > No Prius Needed 10/30/2013 at 21:54

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Actually I have fairly quiet exhausts and the BFGs (I think they were on at the time) were really smoky but not very noisy. Mostly it was just a massive smoke out and a good reason to wash down the car.

Clown Shoe Pilot > DocWalt 10/30/2013 at 21:56

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I've done something similar. I was exiting the freeway and the exit lane was backed up. I got in line and as I made the actual exit a guy came up in the "continuing traffic" lane - not a 2nd exit lane, it was the main road. He was trying to line jump everyone and muscle in at the last possible second.

I closed the gap ahead, and the person behind me closed up the gap behind. Jagoff sidled up right next to me. He then stayed right next to me (though I was always slightly ahead) around the exit curve until I ran him into the wall and he could go no further. Then he had to wait a long time for someone to let him back into traffic.

No Prius Needed > Casper 10/30/2013 at 21:59

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Oh well I want to do the same sometimes since I also have annoying bikers in my neighborhood.

thebigbossyboss > zyodei 10/30/2013 at 22:01

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Jesus H. Christ, that sounds retarded.

RW53104 > Casper 10/30/2013 at 22:02

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Many, many rounds of applause to you.

Desu-San-Desu > thebigbossyboss 10/30/2013 at 22:13

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Did an e-brake drift onto my street (wide roads with tons of visibility) while listening to Nekrogoblikon in the Prelude at full blast and generally just having a blast coming back from a great day at work. As I said, the streets have great visibility and I'd made sure the roads were clear, as were the yards to the side, before yanking the handle and dumping the clutch.

I slid onto my street at a good clip, straightened out, and proceeded down the street towards my house, only to immediately spot the neighborhood old drunk sitting in his lawn chair in his front yard wearing the usual pajama bottoms and tank top, Coors Light in hand. With him were a couple buddies. They proceeded to yell at me and brandish a fake shotgun (he did this a lot and everyone knew it was fake). For some reason, this pissed me off beyond belief, at which point I continued onward for about 2 blocks before calmly turning around in an empty driveway.

I then proceeded to make a full WOT run back towards his yard, at which point I did a handbrake u-turn (it wasn't the smoothest, but it got the job done) and did a burnout while flipping them the bird before shifting up and continuing on home.

Once there, I got out of the car, emptied my pockets, tightened my shoelaces, and waited at the car for him and his buddies to show up. I waited for about 10 minutes, at which point I decided they weren't going to do anything and went inside and watched the new episode of Breaking Bad that I'd recorded on my DVR.

Looking back, it was a massive testosterone-driven dick move and didn't do anything to help the reputation of young car guys. On the other hand, everyone in the neighborhood knows me and knows I'm generally a very responsible driver, even when hooning. They also know him...and generally can't stand him. So no complaints were ever filed against me. A week later he got arrested for drunken disorderly.

Desu-San-Desu > TurboSloth 10/30/2013 at 22:14

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I think we're all that guy here, bro.

Destructive Tester > Casper 10/30/2013 at 22:36

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CONGRATULATIONS!!!

George McNally > thebigbossyboss 10/30/2013 at 22:44

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My very first car was a 68 Beetle.

It took me awhile to get used to the handling.....before I was entirely up to speed on what "lift off oversteer" was- I went backwards at about 30 mph through someones backyard, swingset, picnic table and asst chairs and a bar-b-que grill.

As I mentioned previously, I was going at least 30 mph when I did this- after hitting just about everything in the backyard-I continues along the side of the house, spun 180 degrees in the front yard (still going at least 25mph) crossed the sidewalk and when I got to the street....I kept going. It made one helluva noise, kinda like an all-day plane crash.

This was over 30 years ago, hopefully the statutes of limitation has run out.

All I remember the next day is a couple of new dents and scrapes to accompany the ones already there and about 20 pounds of dirt in the fenders.

zyodei > thebigbossyboss 10/30/2013 at 22:51

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Pretty much.

thebigbossyboss > George McNally 10/30/2013 at 22:53

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This is my favourite story.

getchapopcorn > thebigbossyboss 10/30/2013 at 23:11

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Übel > Casper 10/30/2013 at 23:27

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This was an incredibly satisfying story. Thank you, good sir!

Übel > George McNally 10/30/2013 at 23:29

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The mental imagery to accompany this is absolutely perfect.

Übel > LeadfootYT 10/30/2013 at 23:32

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And this is why I want a light pod on my GTI!

Übel > thebigbossyboss 10/30/2013 at 23:45

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Ooooh I like this one. I'm way more proud of it than I should be. Well, I had just picked up a dashing new Hello Kitty steering wheel cover for my '02 Beetle (2.slow, autotragic. 'twas my first car.) and was driving home with my friend when it occurred to me that I should really test the steering wheel cover's performance benefits. Now, it was raining at the time, so obviously the solution was to advise my passenger to "watch this" while I yanked the handbrake at about 60 mph, getting well past sideways into the intersection, missing a Chevy van waiting to cross by probably a foot, and then laugh hysterically as I fled as fast as the Beetle would let me.

I think my favorite part was when, as soon as I got home, I got a text from another friend that only read "did I just see that?"

Übel > Luke's Dad Sold His 2000TL To Get a Sienna 10/30/2013 at 23:47

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As long as it's in a passing zone, full throttle is completely acceptable. Preferred, even. Don't want to spend too much time in the other lane, you could get hurt there.

Icemanmaybeirunoutofthetalents > thebigbossyboss 10/30/2013 at 23:52

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I've driven in India. You are either the dick or you're dicked. Make your pick!

Übel > Übel 10/30/2013 at 23:53

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Also, I heel toe everywhere. Not really a dick move, but I probably sound like a massive douche.

aquila121 > George McNally 10/31/2013 at 00:16

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"...kinda like an all-day plane crash..." Best. Line. Ever.

zyodei > thebigbossyboss 10/31/2013 at 02:23

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Seriously, thinking about it, I've got to win the dumbfuck of the day award here.

But not, for better or for worse, the Darwin Award ;)

Bluecold > thebigbossyboss 10/31/2013 at 07:44

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Did you at least apologize?

"Oh I'm sorry I didn't see you!"

thebigbossyboss > Bluecold 10/31/2013 at 08:31

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How? By shouting at the man across the passenger side of my vehicle? Once the volvo had moved on, the guy kept walking. By the time I got there he was a good 10 feet away from the crosswalk.

Bluecold > thebigbossyboss 10/31/2013 at 08:58

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I made a joke. Since it was a blind man. You'd only add insult to injury by saying you didn't see him. :)

thebigbossyboss > Bluecold 10/31/2013 at 09:08

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Oh my goodness, now I feel even stupider. LOL.

brakesnow > Casper 10/31/2013 at 16:05

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Bravo!

George McNally > aquila121 10/31/2013 at 18:40

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30 years later, I moved into the same neighborhood where I did this and drive by that house all the time.

gmporschenut also a fan of hondas > thebigbossyboss 10/31/2013 at 23:43

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There was a douche that would always park his Lincoln on the line at my sisters place. Me having a crappy rental car with a generic "guest" tag decided to return the favor. So I positioned my passenger side mirror about a 1/4" away from his. He then stopped.

/becauserentalcar

thebigbossyboss > Übel 11/01/2013 at 09:09

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I like how the hello kitty cover automatically makes you assume the car handles better.

thebigbossyboss > wagnerrp 11/01/2013 at 09:11

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Hahaha.

Übel > thebigbossyboss 11/01/2013 at 09:52

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Well it's obviously not a power-adder like stickers and chrome, so that means it's a handling mod. Tuning 101.

GoPDemon > thebigbossyboss 11/08/2013 at 16:17

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Me being a dumb 16 year old with 8 other dumb 16 year olds. 3 cars at one guys house. One guy, needs who is not there, a ride to the house so ALLL of us go. Feels like I am escorting a VIP with the guy in the middle car and me in the back and another guy in the front (except the cars were a sentra , matrix, and corolla 2000s). We go do dumb shit like speed and pass each other at like 80 km/h on a 40 road. Oh, it's also wet from light rain.

One friend passes a friend at 80km/h on a residential street. Slight bend in the road. He loses control hits the curb rides up onto the lawn. Hits the breaks on wet grass. His car stops 1 meter infront of the house door (maybe even less) . One friend tries to jump out of the car with his legs dangling out.

Two random cars we don't know just stop and watch the horrible scene. I book it out of there. My friend reverses and escapes. Destroys bush, destroys flowers, destroys grass.

From then on whenever I pass that house I see rocks on the front lawn for future trespassers.

At least the cars were ok. I'll never be a dumb 16 year old like that again.

bradledy > Casper 11/08/2013 at 16:17

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good stuff!

thebigbossyboss > Todzzgod 01/16/2014 at 08:19

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I once saw someone who got this idea to do it to me when I was walking past a HUGE puddle. I saw them turn the corner, stop. The I heard the screeching of tires and I knew they were flooring it to splash me. Luckily I gave er, and got away in time!